


drop tears in the morning

by LovelyLesbian



Series: if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind [4]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: :(, ;), ANOTHER!!, Angst, Anyways, Cathy is a good friend, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad, The Letters TM, Ugh, im sorry?, we STAN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22638955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLesbian/pseuds/LovelyLesbian
Summary: It's Jane's turn and you know, she's like, totally fine. No issues, whatsoever.Sure.READ THE OTHER PARTS FIRST!! please and thank you.
Series: if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613554
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	drop tears in the morning

_Jane_

Unlike the other queens, Jane had not waited until she was ready to read her letter. She had no choice but to read it. She walked into Kat’s room and saw a neatly made bed with nothing but a teddy bear, photo, blanket, and five letters sitting on it. Jane knew right then and there that something was wrong. She supposed that now, in retrospect, something had been wrong for a long time, but she had been too blind to see it. Jane felt nauseous just thinking about the moment.

Since Kat’s death, she had become consumed in _what-if‘_ s and _I wish_ ’s. She knew that Katherine was safe from everything now, that she was in Heaven and that nothing could hurt her… but what if Jane had noticed? What if she had asked Katherine if she was okay? If she wanted to talk? _what if what if what if-_

No. Jane couldn’t think like that. Father Morrison had told her as much. He told her it was Kathrine’s own fault, not any of theirs. Jane didn’t believe that Kat wasn’t at fault, but she did try to believe that it wasn’t her fault.

Some days she believed it. Other days she did not. On days that she didn’t quite believe it, she went through the things of Kat’s that she kept. When the queens had decided it was time to go through her things, they were startled to see that they were all boxed up. Everything ready to go. Jane cried a lot that day. They still went through the boxes, picking out things they wanted to keep as mementos of her. When they got everything they wanted, they sent the rest of the boxes to a charity for teenagers who needed help.

On bad days, Jane would carefully unfold the letter, so as to not ruin the last thing that Kat gave her.

Today was an especially bad day. Jane had been walking down the street to go to the local bookshop to find something for Cathy. That was when she saw the book on display in the front window: "The Secret Chamber and Other Suspect Places": Materiality, Space, and the Fall of Catherine Howard.

Jane simply stared at the book for a moment before turning on her heel and vowing to never go to that book shop again. _How could they do such a thing?_ Jane wondered. She had a hard time reminding herself that the people in the bookshop had no such knowledge of Katherine’s death. Still. It didn’t make her feel any better. As the day dragged on, Jane couldn’t get the image of the book out of her head. When night fell, she slipped into her room and pulled out the letter.

_Jane_

She opened it.

_My darling Jane,_

_I imagine this will come as quite a shock to you. I also imagine that you will have been the one to come into my room and read your letter first. I’m sorry to do this to you._

_Before your mind begins to wander off to the endless possibilities of what I did, know that there’s no “finding” me or bringing me back. I did run away, in a sense, but not to anywhere you could find me._

_The thing is Jane… I’m gone. Forever. And it was not your fault. You lot probably won’t believe me when I say that, but I hope my words won’t fall on deaf ears. Lord, I hope they don’t fall on deaf ears._

_From what I’ve heard after someone kills themselves, the people around them blame themselves. “If only I had done this” and “What if I had done this” or “ I wish I could have helped”. I hope that you don’t do that. But I am all too aware that no one can tell anyone how to feel. So, if you do end up stuck in a whirlpool of “if only” and “what if” and “I wish”, find a way out because getting trapped is never a good thing._

_I failed to find a way out. I got trapped in a whirlpool of words, words that haunt me up until my final breath when I hope they will finally be quiet. I really don’t want to tell you everything that’s going on in my mind as I did in Catherine’s letter. Don’t ask to read hers. It’s for her. I fear that if I told you everything, you wouldn’t know how to handle it. I want you to be fine. I mean, obviously, you won’t be just_ fine _after finding out that a member of your household has just killed herself, but you know what I mean._

_I am safe, you know? Now, anyways. I don’t feel safe at the time of writing this. But for what it’s worth, I think that I will be safe after it’s done. I think that G-d and I have an agreement and that He will not send me to Hell. He will keep me safe._

_I am so sorry. If things could be any other way, I would have not done what I’ve done. I would have done something else, found some way to save myself. But I can’t. I’m beyond saving._

_What will likely happen next is that a police officer or two will come to the door and ask if this is the residence of Katherine Howard. They will inform you that I have killed myself. You will have to plan a funeral. Make sure it’s closed-casket, I don’t want all of you to see me after my death, I don’t imagine that it will bring you any peace._

_However, I doubt this letter will bring you any peace. But it is the last thing that I’m leaving directly for you. So if you need to find comfort in my words, then I will provide some._

_This wasn’t your fault. I love you, more than words could ever express. I love you, I love you, I love you. I wish that things could’ve ended differently. I am so so sorry. If we happen to come back to life someday in the future, then I will find you. Maybe things will be different. You and the girls are my heart, and I’m sorry to be leaving. I love you._

_With all the love I have,_

_Katherine Howard_

«☆»

Jane always welled up at that last bit. Reading the letter always left her with questions, but it also always left her with comfort. She knew that she may not have left the longest letter, but it was still a letter. It was still something that Kat had left her, still a piece of her.

But, of course, Jane had to wonder, if Kat loved her so much, why did she jump off of that bridge? Jane knew that she would never have the answer to that question, but that didn’t stop her from asking. She never voiced the question aloud, but it echoed around her mind on those bad days and sleepless nights.

«☆»

“Jane? Are you alright?” Cathy asked. Jane jumped, she hadn’t seen Cathy come in.

“Oh yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, you came back from town looking a little … I don’t know, distressed? Did something happen while you were out?” Cathy asked in a soft tone. Jane looked at the floor because she knew if she looked at Cathy, all of her thoughts would come spilling out and she didn’t want to seem selfish by asking the question. “Janey, you know you can talk to me, right? I won’t tell the others anything if you don’t want me to. I pinky-promise.” She extended her pinky to Jane, who interlocked it with her own.

Jane took a deep breath and looked at Cathy. “Promise you won’t hate me?” she asked. Cathy nodded vigorously. “In the letter that Kat left me, she has a whole paragraph about how she loved me, all of us, really. But I have to ask because I’ve wanted to know since the moment I read it. If she loved us so much, then why? Why did she jump off of the bridge?” Jane had small tears running down her face. Cathy looked pensive.

“I think,” She paused, “I think that love alone cannot keep a person alive. I think that while she did love each of us _very_ much, that there was something terrible in her mind. A disease, of sorts. Maybe like a monster in her ear, always telling her that she wasn’t enough and that she should jump, things like that. The voice drowned out her logic and her love. I think she just wanted some quiet. She also knew that we would take care of each other, even in the aftermath. She knew we would still feel the love she felt, even after she was gone.”

“Ever the wordsmith, Cathy.” Jane sniffed. She supposed that she was correct. It made complete sense, something Jane had been lacking when it came to Kat’s death. “ Thank you very much for that.”

“Of course! If you ever need to talk, you can come to me. Or if you don’t want to talk, then we can just sit. I like to listen to music while I write, so if you want to come to sit with me and listen to my music, then you are welcome to.” Cathy stood up and went to her room. After a few minutes, Jane decided to take her up on her offer and walked to Cathy’s room.

Now that she thought about it, she had never been inside. She knocked and entered. It was quite clean, which surprised Jane for some reason. It was very white with accents of deep blue. “Can I sit with you?” she whispered. She felt a tad childish, but Cathy responded with, “Yeah, of course!” Jane sat on the bed a grabbed a book from Cathy’s nightstand. They sat in silence for hours, with soft music like Rainbow Connection by the one and only Kermit the Frog, until Catherine knocked on the door to tell them dinner was ready.

It became a sort of routine that helped both of them heal. Cathy would write and Jane would read or work on a cross-stitch. It was calming both of them enjoyed each other’s company. This routine is what truly kick-started Jane’s life again.

**Author's Note:**

> not my favorite, but here you go! sorry it took so long! critiscism and ideas please.  
> \+ also the alt ending is comin i swear it's gonna be last so stick with me for a little bit!
> 
> TITLES:  
> Series: I found- Amber Run  
> Catherine: Dynasty- MIIA  
> Anne: Are you with me?- nilu  
> Jane: Capsize- FRENSHIP
> 
> *Feel free to leave comments or kudos, no matter how long it's been since posting! i appreciate them!!


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